A Hot Date

The following piece was inspired by a prompt on Writer's Beat.  It's the not the first time I tried using one of the many prompts, challenges or cliches on there.  But it is without a doubt one of those I am most pleased with.

Big Red is, as I have said before, one of my favorite characters.  The first time I wrote about him was in a piece called 'Devil of a Deal', later renamed as 'Big Red'.  I do enjoy humanising him a little, although obviously the devil himself is not my creation.  Anyway I had so much fun with this piece that I'm now considering writing about the dates which followed the placing of this Big Red's lonely hearts ad.

Anyway, since I've never published any of my work on my blog, I hope you'll enjoy this little bit.

A Hot Date
by Lorraine Sears

Name: Big Red, aka Lucifer, Satan, The Devil, Beelzebub, Hades and John.

My summary: I’m tall, dark and handsome, if you don’t mind horns and hooves. I have my own place; actually I have my own world – The Underworld. I’m looking for a tall, strong woman, with wicked, sinful curves. Someone with determination and backbone; pushovers need not apply; I want a bit of a challenge, someone who can take a little heat. And I’d consider it a bonus if you were skilled at removing sulphur stains from clothes and can cook on a spit roast. Applicants must look good in red! But I’d recommend against flammable clothes, it can get very expensive.

What I am currently doing in my life: Work keeps me busy - I do tend to bring it home with me. I’m currently working on a couple of huge projects for 2012, both with massive potential to increase my customer database.

In my private life, well things have slowed of late. The number of parties and social occasions I get invited to has really dropped, especially since Ozzie’s been in rehab, again. And with so much credit about these days, no one really needs to sell their soul anymore. I used to make the odd cameo appearance at séances, but with nearly every home now owning a Wii, do you know anyone who still uses a Ouija Board? Anyway, this is part of the reason why I’m looking for someone to share the long hot eons with.

I'm really good at: I’m really tempting, what can I say? I’m very persuasive and used to getting my own way. Applicants with a strong will would be an exciting test.

The first thing people notice about me is: At eight foot, my height is the first thing people notice. I do tend to dominate a space.

The six things I could never live without: My pitchfork collection, the oldest of which was actually used to prepare the soil in the Garden of Eden, my minions, more minions, blacked souls (great on toast), cinnamon and my dogs.

I spend a lot of time: I breed Hell Hounds; they’re a ferocious breed, large and very loyal. I often take them for long walks through the Valley of the Dead and Brimstone National Park. I’d do anything for my dogs. Any applicant would have be a dog lover too.

My friends minions would say: I’m a fair employer. Nobody gets anything, right across the board – non-negotiable.

The most private thing I am willing to admit: I love candy floss, all pink and sweet and sticky. I make regular visits to Coney Island to steal it from small children – like taking candy from a… oh

You should message me if: If you're attracted to the 'Bad Boy' type, you’re looking for someone out of this world (see previous answers) and out of the ordinary. Our first date is up to you, ladies choice. But I’m no good at ice skating or skiing. It tends to take the fun out of the date when the environment melts around you.